I remember checking my app one morning
That’s weird, I should have started my period… no way… could I be? Well, yeah I mean… but wasn’t I out of my “green week”? Weird weird.
I checked my pregnancy test stash, left over from our last child, I made sure it wasn’t expired, and took the test. I watched intently trying to recall dates and cross checking them against my chart to see if it was a real possibility and I suppose it could be. As the dye ran across and the test line showed a faint line my heart raced. I grabbed my wallet, asked my teenager to watch my toddler, bribed my 10 year old with the promise of donuts if he came to the store with me, and off we went. I got 3 different brands, including the ones with the words “pregnant/not pregnant”.
My 10 year old looked at me
“Are you pregnant?!”
“I don’t know, that’s why I’m buying the tests.”
“Does dad know?”
“Well if I don’t know, how would he know”
“Are we still getting donuts?”
We got donuts, drove home, and I took test after test. Then went for the big guns. I used the digital test.
And there it was, in foolproof lettering,
My first thoughts were mainly about how to tell my husband who was at work. I wanted to do something fun but nothing like over the top, second thought was how can we tell everyone (aka post on FB), then I had thoughts I’ve never had… let’s wait until after the first trimester, just to be safe. Let’s not tell EVERYone just yet.
My husband has this whiteboard on the fridge he uses for notes when he gets after hour calls from work. He was using it pretty frequently at the time because the with snow we were getting people were constantly calling him… constantly. So the older kids and I decided we’d just write it on the white board and he’d see it when he got a call.
“Hey, I’m pregnant. Due September 2017”
He didn’t get any calls and we got impatient so we kept directing his attention to the white board and he finally realized something was up and he said it “what, are you pregnant or something??” And then he saw the white board and his jaw dropped.
“No way. Seriously? Wait… are you serious? No, are you messing with me? Omg. What? Dude, wait. Seriously?”
And I reached into my hoodie pocket, pulled out the like, 5 positive pregnancy tests and mic dropped them on the counter in front of him.
He examined the tests, and pressured the older kids.
“Is this for real. Did she get these online? No waaaaay… really?? Wow. Woooow.”
Then he went from crying to laughing to crying to laughing.
See we wanted another baby, but we weren’t trying yet. We just had a ‘free night’ when we thought I was out of my fertile window. So it wasn’t like we didn’t want more children, but we just weren’t regularly trying so we were all caught off guard, but as the days and weeks went on we got more and more excited.
I made appointments and set up an ultrasound and the place invited the kids to see their new sibling. They had never seen it live before so I asked if they wanted to go and they did, so we made arrangements.
The ultrasound was set up for when I would be 9 weeks and 3 days along. We would be able to see a gummy bear/teddy graham looking baby on the monitor and the big kids would see their new sibling for the first time. We were excited and counting down the days.
And then the day came.
The ultrasound started out on my tummy, but we couldn’t quite get a good view, which is how it can go early on, the uterus isn’t quite over the pubic bone so unless you can get the right angle the best way to get a peek is from the inside. For that we sent the kids out, they don’t need to see that side of their mama. We got everything covered, and appropriately set up for the kids to come back in, but the ultrasound techwanted to have the baby on the monitor for when they came in. Except she couldn’t find a baby. What she did find was measuring weeks behind what my dates said. There was no heart beat, no yolk sac, nothing indicating that this was a viable pregnancy.
The big kids didn’t come in.